Criticisms People "Offered" Me

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One of the assignments in my latest creativity/drawing/doodling class was to take something that had happened in my life—a memory, an event, a moment—and journal about it and try to see it in a different way, try to transform it.

I have been thinking about things people have told me throughout my teen and adult life—things about my own self. These statements were usually handed to me during an argument or disagreement to buttress the other person’s point of view. But what they said to me wasn’t exactly false. Still, sometimes these statements did not feel good.

I started taking these statements out (figuratively) from my memory bank and turning them over in my hands. This drawing is what I came up with.

In your life, what have you been told about yourself that was true, maybe, but that might have different sides to it? 

What would you tell yourself now that you did not understand/could not see back then?


Join me on May 31st at 2 p.m. on Zoom!

I will be talking about my latest book, the short story collection, A SMALL THING TO WANT (Press 53), as well as my memoir, THE GOING AND GOODBYE—how each book came to be, the odd moment when I started writing short fiction, and most importantly, what my journey as a writer taught my about life.

Free but registration required (click here to register).

This event is part of the Hidden Timber Books Small Press Author Reading Series. I also love talking with book clubs. If you are in a book club and want me to do a Skype chat (or Zoom, FaceTime, Google Hangout) with your club, please let me know. Find out more information here.




Drawing a Different Conclusion

I don't know about you, but I have had a hard time focusing. After my book launch for A Small Thing to Want: stories—for which I had spent weeks gulping for air in my efforts to get everything done on time—I was ready to be creative again, back to writing, but writing eluded me.

I decided to take an online writing class through SkillShare to kick my brain into gear, but after two classes, I was still stuck. I switched gears, opting to try something out of my wheelhouse: drawing. (And when I say out of my wheelhouse, I mean stick-figure outside of my wheelhouse.) I've never been able to draw. Thus, I skipped toward Mari Andrews' "Drawing as Self-Discovery: 5 Ways to Start."

Turns out, I love it. I follow directions really well (yay, me), trying to emulate what she does (like copy how she draws people since the alternative is my usual stick figure!), and I remind myself I'm not aiming for an art show. The teacher's goal is for us to bring art into our daily life, for fun and—as the class title says—for self-discovery, not for fame. 

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The directions for the drawing you see here were for us to draw a picture of our heart or our brain. I decided to focus on what was on my mind on that particular day during this strange time. Will it win awards? No. Will it sell for a million dollars? Not a chance. But did the class work? Yes, I am writing again. And drawing. 

Tell me, what is on your mind during this pandemic? What would your brain show if I asked you to draw it today?

May this find all of you safe and well.

Treading through Love's Complications

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(This blog originally appeared in The Rumpus.)

When I was in college, I developed a crush on a man with whom I worked. He was a good person, he made me laugh, and we were friends. But since I was still a student—he was not—and we were coworkers, we were off limits to each other in the dating world, not that he ever expressed any romantic interest in me at that time. Undeterred, I declared in my journal that one day I would marry him. Love was a simple equation to me. 

But then he fell in love and married someone else.

A few years later, we met up again, this time free of outside constraints: I wasn’t a student, we weren’t coworkers, he was no longer married. He asked me on a date, and we went, and it seemed like a spectacular beginning. Then he disappeared. He did not call or contact me, even when I reached out. I would find out later that he was still grappling with the grief of his divorce.

A few more years later, we ran into each other. He apologized. We talked on the phone, we met up a few times, we started dating. He was healed, emotionally available, and open to a serious relationship. And did I mention what a good man he was? Because he really was. What could go wrong?

I went wrong. I had just gotten out of an unhealthy relationship that had mixed love with anger and shaken that concoction and me all together. I was in a dark place, and no matter how much this good man tried, I could not find my way out. I tried to convince myself he was not right for me, but finally I realized I was not right for him, or for anyone at that moment.

I’ve spent my adult life trying to figure out why people love whom they love. It’s what I write about (both in my memoir and my story collection which launches tomorrow) and it’s what I read. And I’m not just talking romantic love, but sibling love, parental love, love between friends, love built on loyalty that defies reason, love so flimsy it breaks with the snap of the fingers, love that emerges after long hibernation, love that leaves but makes a person whole again in its wake. I’ve compiled a list of books I’ve read that shine light on the intricacies of our longings, why we choose to latch on to someone else, why we push people away, how growing up sometimes means redefining love or redefining ourselves, and sometimes it means letting go. (Click here to find that list on The Rumpus).


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Book Launch Events Tomorrow
(Sunday, May 3)
for
A Small Thing to Want: Stories

WYSO Book Nook with Vick Mickunas, 10:30 a.m. EST.
Listen to our discussion, which will livestream at 10:30 a.m. EST

Zoom Book Launch at 2:00 p.m. EST
Cliff Garstang and I will talk about our books and take your questions. Please join us! Free but registration required. Click here to register.

Are You in a Book Club?
I love doing Skype chats with book clubs all over the country.
Learn more here.


 

Book trailer for A Small Thing to Want: Stories (Press 53, 2020). Shuly Cawood talks about her short story collection: what it's about, who would like reading it, where to get more information.

 

May this find all of you safe and well.

Photo of heart by Jon Tyson.